It’s been a month since I’ve posted anything here. What happened in a month?
I had my final steroid injection.
I overworked myself directly after with packing and painting and regretted it for days.
I moved into my new house.
I celebrated a birthday.
I just had too much going on.
I granted myself a pause from spending energy on working out and cooking fancy.
I very slowly unpacked, unwinded, relaxed, and settled in.
I don’t want to say “I’m in a better place now” because it isn’t that easy; for me, stress is everywhere, pain is constant, life is busy and time is short. I still have a dining room full of boxes, a bathroom full of crap, ten pounds sitting on this body that I don’t need. But: my shots and surgeries are over (for now), my move is over… maybe I’m just somewhere I can get a better start.
I went out yesterday to do a short run and ended up doing a run/walk of 4.5 miles (over about an hour). It was a beautiful day; there’s a path near me where everything looks like that photo above, and – it didn’t matter if I couldn’t run it all, it didn’t matter that I had to stop and walk, because the path was beautiful and the day was fabulous and I was out and moving in it after a long time of not doing so.
I’ve become so caught up in what am I doing and how am I doing it and what plan am I following and what results do I want and how can I avoid and treat all my injuries and issues and I’ve forgotten that there’s a simple joy in (kindly, carefully, safely) making my body just do things with no other ulterior motive than just, well, movement.
So I am giving myself a month where all I’m going to try to do is …things. I’m going to go out for a run, and not pay attention to the distance, and measure the time in Ellie Goulding songs. (The only reason I know I went 4.5 miles was because it was unexpectedly long for me, and I had to look it up afterwards because I was surprised at myself.) I’m going to swim, and not count my laps. I’m going to go lift, and other than paying attention to the weight (so as not to injure myself), I’m not going to count sets or reps. I’m going to stay easy, to be gentle, to err on the side of doing less rather than more.
After a month of this I can go back to tracking, to planning, to recording everything in Fitocracy and counting calories in MyFitnessPal and tracking my runs by Garmin and my lap times in a giant spreadsheet. I can make a plan and check things off and start recording results and being nerdy about it. That’s fun for me too – once I get to the point where it’s reasonable to do so.
But until then, I’m just going to do things, and revel in having a body that can do them again. It doesn’t matter that once I ran 13.1 miles in 2:10:56 and now I’m doing 4.5 in 1:00 – because for so long now I’ve been doing 0 for infinity minutes, and anything is better than that.
One month of free, undirected fitness work. Because I’m enjoying it.